Getting unexpectedly pregnant can be one of the best news but to some it could be a scary one. There is a variety of emotions that can be felt when learning you are pregnant. You might feel fear, anger, panic, upset while others may feel joy and excitement; or it can be a mixture of all those emotions.
Unplanned pregnancy can especially be daunting for young girls outside of wedlock, who are not ready for motherhood. If you are one of them, do know that you are not alone. There is help out there, options and support. Take time to read through this article.
To read more about pregnancy, click here.
What to do next?
Finding you are pregnant can be overwhelming. It can be especially overwhelming when you feel that you are not ready for motherhood.
- Take a breath and make sure you are pregnant
If you have already taken a pregnancy test through a pregnancy stick, make sure that you are pregnant through a blood test from the doctor or obgyn.
- Feel whatever you are feeling
It is alright to feel whatever you are feeling. It is important you take time to feel it all – be it the anger, confusion, panic or the fear. You might also be feeling scared because of the uncertainty. Know that is all normal and take time to feel it.
- Decision making
Talk to the people you trust most about the decision and understand that either way, this is a tough decision to make. Talk to your doctor about the options that you have and the time. Whichever decision you decide, make sure you have a plan for you and your baby. Think about what is best for you and your child.
- Seek help
This can be an overwhelming time and you may be struggling through it. It is alright to seek help whether it is from a doctor or if it is from a psychologist.
If you do decide to keep your baby, understand that another human life is now your responsibility. It’s only the beginning of your baby’s new life but also your new life as a mother. It may be scary because well, change is always scary. Whichever choice you decide, continue to take care of yourself.
Law on Abortion
Abortion is mostly illegal in Indonesia however, in 2000, it is estimated that there are 2 million abortions occured in Indonesia.
Abortion is highly stigmatised and highly restricted however, Indonesian women often seek abortion procedures through untrained providers that might lead them resort to methods that include ingesting unsafe substances or harmful abortive ‘massages’. It is important that you do not try this as it can be dangerous, risky and can lead to maternal death.
Do not abort the pregnancy yourself as it may harm both you and the baby.
How should you tell your parents you’re pregnant? (for teens)
If you are a young teenager that unexpectedly got pregnant or got a girl pregnant, we understand that it can be extremely scary to let your parents know.
- It is normal to feel nervous and scared to talk to your parents about this unexpected pregnancy
Even if you feel that you and your parents are close, telling your parents you are unexpectedly pregnant can be nerve-racking. You might be especially scared if your parents might be against you dating or against premarital sex. Do know that it is normal to feel nervous and scared about talking to your parents.
- Prepare beforehand and tell them how you feel
Try to prepare beforehand what you would like to say and how you would like to say it. Remember to also let your parents know how you feel about the situation. Let them know if you feel disappointed in yourself or if you feel scared.
- Listen to what they have to say
Listen to what your parents have to say after you break the news. Give them time without jumping in and some might need time to vent it out. Let them say what they have to say.
- You cannot control how your parents react, you can only control how you do
Although we all hope that all parents show their support, kindness and acceptance, do know that depending on your parent’s personality, cultural and religious beliefs, your parents might feel upset, angry, embarrassed, guilt or shame. Some might react with yelling and screaming, while others might react with silence. Understand that you cannot control how your parents react, you can only control how you react to their reaction.
- Give them time to process the information
Your parents might need space and time to process the information you gave them. Understand that they may be feeling a lot of emotions and do not know what to do or say.
- Find help breaking the news
If you think you need help breaking the news, find someone that might be able to help you. It may be your sibling, counsellor or you can visit your doctor’s office to break the news together.
How to support someone who experiences an unintended pregnancy?
- Be there for them and listen
Let her know that you are there for her and that you support her. Sometimes, all they need is someone to let them know that they are not alone.
- Offer advice and don’t judge
You can offer advice when they ask. Try to not pass judgement and always let them know that you are there for them. When giving advice, try to find a balance and not sugarcoat things. It is important that you be realistic and not give a false sense of security that might lead her to regret her choice.
- Let her decide
In the end, trust that she will make the right decision for herself. You can be there for her and support her through it all.
- Help her seek help if needed
If she needs professional help from a doctor or from a psychologist, let her know that you are open to help her and accompany her.
It is important to know that it is ok to set boundaries. We all want to be there for our friend but if you are not the best person for it, that is ok too.